Using one of the five answers below will give you the power to be assertive and gain respect instead of being reactive, guilt ridden and at the mercy of others.
For those Painful requests…the ones you really don’t want to do, you now have an answer.
If you’ve gotten yourself into the habit of saying yes when you really want to say no, you can now begin to inch your way out of this habit by having prepared answers on the tip of your tongue.
Here’s what will make it painless…these answers are ready anytime, anyplace.
Oprah made famous, to me at least, the saying, “You teach people how to treat you.”
After research, I found that it was actually a Dr. Phil quote, never-the-less, whoever coined the phrase, the meaning and implementation of this wisdom will strengthen your assertiveness muscles. http://www.oprah.com/oprahradio/Dr-Robin-Smith-Teach-Others-How-to-Treat-You
If you are struggling with needing to help everyone while neglecting yourself, feeling guilty for wanting to say no or agreeing with what another person says for fear of rejection or emotional (sometimes physical) punishment, it’s not likely that you might have uncovered and detailed how you want to be treated and nor set up a self honoring system to implement this. (btw…I can help you with this)
Know this, any action or inaction you take speaks volumes about you and sends a message to others on how they can treat you.
No worries though, using the answers below will start you on that path of repatterning those relationships models.
Warning: In the beginning, you will be tested.
It can be expected that others will try to pressure you into changing your mind as you start to assert your will.
Mainly because they have become accustomed to being able to coerce you and/or have become handicapped by you tolerating their inconsiderateness and perhaps meanness.
Let this knowledge empower you, that saying no, “this time” is beneficial.
The person asking you for a favor is helped by your saying no.
It’s certainly time for them to start relying on themselves or someone else.
Also saying no will come easier as you stay on this path. Your self confidence will increase as you take your power back.
O.K. For those times when the request just isn’t painless and until people have come to respect your “no” there are immediate actions you can take to answer those who are attempting to compel you with their good reasons and urgent need.
Before we get started talking about the confident responses that you could provide people, let’s take a look at what it cost you to say yes.
Read the sentence below and answer yourself out loud.
Saying Yes to __________ means saying No to__________
Are you beginning to realize even more just what the consequences are to you when you say yes to the things that you want to say not to?
A Little Pep Talk
Practice Makes Perfect. By practicing a few comfortable ways to say no, it makes it so so easier to do so when the occasion to say no arrives.
Here’s your five answers to use immediately:
5 Confident Responses to Request Made to You
1. I Have Another Commitment
Let’s say you’d rather stay in and read a book. Or you just plain out don’t want to. You don’t have to tell them what you are going to be doing. Your plans are another commitment. You can put yourself on your schedule.
2. I Just Don’t Have the Time Right Now
Say someone approaches you while in the kitchen at a family gathering. It’s morning and almost everyone is sleeping except your sister’s spouse who comes into the kitchen and asks you to make breakfast for the family. You had it in your mind to step into the quiet of the outdoors patio and enjoy the cool crisp air and sit silently, pray or meditate.
Now he wants you to start preparing a feast. Of course, for people to awaken to. That is a lovely thought. Who doesn’t like a nice hot family cooked breakfast in the morning? However, do you have to? Can’t they eat after you have taken time for yourself.
Yes, they can wait. Politely letting the requestor know that you just don’t have the time right now is enough. Even when they see you walk out onto the patio and sit down and do “nothing.”
3. I Am Not the Right Person For This Task, Project etc.
Clearly there are times when we simply don’t have the aptitude, ability or capability to complete a task as well as another could. And you know that when you attempt to do something that you aren’t exactly good at it leads to frustration and feeling stressed and overwhelmed.
The fear or thought of failing or not doing a good job leads to even more stress and the cortisol and stress hormones released into the body leave you exhausted and possibly with added weight gain. Saying no would protect and raise your self esteem and help you reach or maintain your ideal weight goal.
4. I Need to Focus On Some Personal Issues Right Now
You have a life and things come up in that life that require your attention. You don’t have to burn the candle at both ends. You don’t have to take on others burdens, especially when they are things that others can do themselves or aren’t items on fire.
Yes, it would be nice to bake your famous cookies for the bake sale or to take the elderly at church to their doctors appointment but when this conflicts with situations you are experiencing in your personal life, you may simply say no.
How are you going to go to your friends house everyday while they are on vacation and clean their litter box and let out their dog, when you don’t even have to time to walk you own dog?
If your looking for a way to run your body down and get ill, you’ve found it. Continue taking on tasks when you already have loads to do yourself and see what happens.
5. I Think You Are The Best Person For That
Now there are clearly times when you can see right through to the laziness of the person requesting your assistance, time or effort. This is a problem at work with colleagues and managers who are habit prone to pass on their work to their “competent” direct reports or teammates.
In the case of the manager, you could tell them that you think ____ Sally or Steve are the best person for that task and why. This doesn’t guarantee that you will get out of having to assume this responsibility but it is a way to respond with confidence with an indirect no.
The colleague on the other hand is different story. You could state that they are the best person for the task and resign your assistance. They would have to look for someone else or do the work themselves.
There you have it, (5) Five sensible ways to painlessly say no.
This is an example of ways that I help my clients break the pattern of conduct that keeps them in harmful relationships.
You can create healthy boundaries that are respected and eliminate feelings of guilt, blame and responsibility.
If you want to stop worrying about everyone and feeling like everyone is more important than you, would like to uncover contact me for a Get Acquainted Session and I will listen to what’s going on with you and see how I can help.
Lana McMurray is the founder of Free 2 Thrive Coaching LLC. She is a Growing Certainty Coach for ambitious people trapped in all-too-ordinary lives. She helps entrepreneurs, creatives and business owners successfully navigate Uncertainty as they go through their unavoidable Journey of Growth. She understands the many ways that risk-taking, self starting people secretly undermine themselves and stop the growth process. She helps them stay True to Themselves so that grow into their extraordinary lives.
She also personally knows that “Life can be Messy” and there is a unique difficulty in being an Entrepreneur, Creative or Business Owner who is seeking to to be “True to Themselves” and grow their lives and businesses but at home is dealing with toxic a relationship. As an overcomer of Verbal/Emotional Abuse, she helps them gain Clarity and make empowering decisions. To get your F*R*E*E Trainings and weekly Growth Support visit https://www.free2thrivecoaching.com
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