How do you handle yourself when you make a mistake, do something you regret or you find yourself struggling in some area of your life?
Say you decided to stop neglecting your needs and set an intention to assert yourself with others but you felt guilty and became too fearful to say no when someone needed your help….again!
Say you had a cigarette and you were trying to quit smoking but the cravings got the best of you,
or you are struggling to stick to your diet and you’re really frustrated with your weight,
or maybe your relationships aren’t working and you feel isolated and all alone.
When something like this happens to you, How do you treat yourself?
What is your first response? Do you judge and criticize yourself?
Say things to yourself like, “I have no will power,” “I knew this wouldn’t work” or “what’s wrong with me?”
Or do you immediately fly into fix it mode and try to fix things and make sure it doesn’t happen again?
Or worse do you ignore it and act like nothing happened?
Well, what if I told you that the way you respond to yourself FIRST can determine whether you will repeat that situation again and become a victim to your situation. It also determines whether you will finally put an end to the vicious cycle.
I’ve got a Juicy Living Tip for you to use right now: Use Self Compassion!
Yes, you heard me right. Respond to yourself FIRST with Self Compassion!
Forget about whether you deserve it or not. When you catch yourself doing something that disappoints you and brings you pain.
STOP and PAUSE
Then be KIND to YOURSELF
This action helps you stop your unwanted behavior faster and easier than Self Criticism and Punishment because it goes to the root of the problem.
Self Compassion is practice that you implement with yourself so that you can be empowered to make the changes that you desire to have in your life.
Self Compassion isn’t letting yourself get away with doing wrong, it’s 3 things:
#1 showing kindness to yourself the way that you would a dear friend. It’s being caring, forgiving, understanding and loving to yourself instead of self criticizing, or being cruel and judgmental. Stopping FIRST, to feel your suffering, to feel and acknowledge the pain and being there for yourself, instead of running away from yourself. This is showing kindness to your self
#2 It’s realizing that your only human and everyone makes mistakes and everyone has problems so you are not alone.
#3 It’s seeing things clearly as they are:
- no illusions,
- no lying,
- no passing blame
- making excuses
It’s being real and honest with yourself.
Self Compassion has many benefits and is drastically different from using self criticism to motivate yourself to change. You’ll find out how they are different and learn more about Self Compassion in an upcoming article.
People Pleasing behavior can seem overwhelming but can be overcome, I’m living proof of that. One of the methods I used to end my people pleasing habit was self compassion. I practiced Self Compassion as I built my confidence to speak up and stand up for myself.
So when you mess up, and you will, because we all do. Don’t turn your back on yourself. Before you do anything else, stop and pause and be kind.
Lana McMurray, Self Recovery Mentor, is Owner and Founder of Free 2 Thrive Coaching LLC, www.free2thrivecoaching.com, a Company helping people to break out of their self made prisons and free their REAL Self! She assist clients with getting out of their comfort zones and their own way. As a result of their work together, clients depart from people pleasing, codependency and paralyzing fear and become aware of themselves and awaken into being bold, confident and fully alive. She enjoys working confidentially with people on issues that have been troubling them for a long time but they just didn’t know who to talk to about it.
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