FAMILY & HOLIDAYS: 7 TIPS TO AVOID PEOPLE PLEASING
Holidays are a stressful enough on their own without family dynamics involved. Here are some helpful tips for dealing with the stressful demands of family during the Holidays or any other time.
#1. Feel What You Feel
When feelings of apprehension, fear, anger, annoyance or any others surface, stop and feel them. When you embrace each individual feeling during a time of stress, you are being self compassionate. The suffering is real, notice it. Don’t run from it but embrace it and acknowledge that it is there. Know that it is there to teach you something about yourself and that you are not alone in feeling this way emotionally.
#2. Do Not Judge
Typically right after feeling strong emotions associated with something that you don’t want to do, the pangs of guilt or disapproval are right on their heels. Following up that act are self-criticism and self-judgment. Try not to take the bait. Cut yourself some slack. Remember, you do have the right to feel the way you do. You do have the right to choose how you would like to spend your time.
#3. Admit the Truth
Be honest with yourself and about how you feel. Be honest with the person who is making the request of you. Denying how you feel and holding it in only injures you. At least when you speak your truth, you get to see how the person responds, instead of dreading how they might act.
#4. Don’t Should on Yourself
One of the most damaging words in the world of language, depending how you use it, is the word “Should.” When you use it as a reference to an “approved” behavior or action, it suggests to your subconscious that you are wrong. Do you want to judge yourself wrong? This itty bitty word can be disempowering. Replace “Should” with the word “Could.” This word is empowering and gives you a choice.
#5. List The Reasons Why You Want to Reject The Request or Imposition
So you obviously don’t want to do what is being asked of you so what are the reasons? List them each down. When finished with the list, take a look at what you’ve written and see if there are any patterns. Once you find a pattern, consider whether it is time to let that person or activity go.
#6. Have a Readied Response
You have many options in how to tell someone no. You may craft a caring and respectful response. You can be tactful and to the point response providing no reason why you are saying no or you could ask for more time.
#7. Know There Will Be Fall Out
When you want to say no to something or someone but are having a hard time doing so, know that someone is going to be disappointed, either you or them. At some point in life you are going to have to disappoint people, let it be someone else and not you. If you really don’t want to do something you don’t have to. If telling a person “no” upsets them, they’re probably not someone you want in your life anyway.
Lana McMurray, Self Recovery Mentor, is Owner and Founder of Free 2 Thrive Coaching LLC, www.free2thrivecoaching.com, a Company helping people to break out of their self made prisons and free their REAL Self! She assist clients with getting out of their comfort zones and their own way. As a result of their work together, clients depart from people pleasing, codependency and paralyzing fear and become aware of themselves and awaken into being bold, confident and fully alive. She enjoys working confidentially with people on issues that have been troubling them for a long time but they just didn’t know who to talk to about it.
To schedule a complimentary Get Acquainted Sessions Click HERE or email her at: email@example.com