I’m not a people pleaser any more, I had to learn to how to be true to myself so I could stand to live in this world.
It took many years and quite a few success and failures to finally figure out how to trust my judgments and myself and in the next few minutes I am going to share some of that information with you.
I’ve got three (3) easy to implement actions steps you can take in the next 30 days that will increase your confidence in yourself and make you better at trusting your judgment and yourself.
The deceit of People Pleasing is that it happens to those who are weak and impressionable, have poor self esteem and lack confidence.
The truth is, it can happen to anyone, even those who are extroverted, risk-takers who know what they want and go after it like myself.
I’m certainly not co-dependent.
Granted I had some deep traumas occur early in my life but even with enduring them when it came down to it, I enjoyed my own company.
Which is why I was baffled at why the heck I cared so much about what other people thought.
Which leads to the First Step.
IDENTIFY WHY YOU PEOPLE PLEASE
I thought the reason was fear.
The fear of man, the fear of being rejected, the fear of being abandoned. But after spending precious money I didn’t have to spend on programs and products to end my fear of man and wasting countless hours, months and years applying solutions that didn’t work to solve my problem, I only ended up with minimum success stopping people pleasing.
True, fear was certainly part of the problem, but it wasn’t the source of my problem.
It wasn’t until I uncovered that it was how I used my CHOICE that things began to turn around quickly for me.
Let me explain.
After I worked on clearing away those before mentioned fears, I discovered that at the heart of my people pleasing was an ability to sense the uncomfortableness in people.
It was my hesitation to let them experience this uncomfortableness that was driving me to people please.
I didn’t want to bring pain upon them so I’d give in because I knew I’d be ok, eventually, (my resilience working against me).
What I had to change was to let them deal with their uncomfortable themselves and to be ok with that.
I wasn’t responsible for them. I was responsible for me.
So even though their request or need was valid, I was in no way obligated to get involved and I didn’t have to feel guilty about that.
It came down to seeing that there wasn’t anything wrong with me. That me, being a naturally nice person wasn’t the problem.
Which segue ways into Step 2
REALIZE THAT THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.
You’re naturally a nice person and that’s ok.
It’s perfectly fine for you to want to help.
But trying to stop this feeling of being caring is a dead end road to take.
Instead learn how to be nice and stay true to yourself. This is will maintain your sanity and your happiness.
You see, you’re going to actually have to clear this problem away “doing it afraid.”
Trying to change yourself first so that you don’t care might not ever work or happen.
But how do you do it afraid…well that’s step number 3.
JUST DO IT! 3
The only way you are going to figure this out is be saying no, by risking their anger, by being willing to be called names and misjudged. By getting abandoned and rejected and left.
There’s a capability gap you have to cross.
You won’t be able to buy your way across it or avoid it. Right now, you don’t know what is going to happen if…. You have to act to find out.
What you are going to find out is the thing that you fear, does not come upon you, not like you thought. It never gets as bad you imagine.
And…the best part, you gain their respect.
After you started this you will need to know how to check in with yourself to take this beyond 30 Days.
See, I’m pretty cut and dry and practical.
Trust me I’ve read, enrolled in and applied so many principles that I‘ve gotten to the point where I hate fluff.
Just give me what works and in a simple and easy to implement method.
And that’s what I’ve done here for you. Provided a simple and effective way to increase trusting yourself so that you can be consistent and make forward movement progress.
So lets go over those steps again.
1. IDENTIFY WHY YOU PEOPLE PLEASE.
2. REALIZE THAT THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.
3. JUST DO IT!
You got this right? You can do this.
If you find you need help, I’m available to talk and see how I can help. I am able to help you uncover your reason for people pleasing am sure I could help you.
And I have many other FREE resources you can have that will help you.
Want to use this article on your website or your own ezine? No problem! But here is what you MUST include:
Lana McMurray is the founder of Free 2 Thrive Coaching LLC. She is a Growing Certainty Coach for ambitious people trapped in all-too-ordinary lives. She helps entrepreneurs, creatives and business owners successfully navigate Uncertainty as they go through their unavoidable Journey of Growth. She understands the many ways that risk-taking, self starting people secretly undermine themselves and stop the growth process. She helps them stay True to Themselves so that grow into their extraordinary lives.
She also personally knows that “Life can be Messy” and there is a unique difficulty in being an Entrepreneur, Creative or Business Owner who is seeking to to be “True to Themselves” and grow their lives and businesses but at home is dealing with toxic a relationship. As an overcomer of Verbal/Emotional Abuse, she helps them gain Clarity and make empowering decisions. To get your F*R*E*E Trainings and weekly Growth Support visit www.free2thrivecoaching.com
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