I Learned People Pleasing From Childhood, How Can I Stop This?

by | Nov 3, 2017 | People Pleaser, Self Growth

One of the questions I am constantly asked after someone realizes that I overcame People Pleasing pertains to their childhood. They want to know for themselves, “If I’ve been a People Pleaser since childhood how do I stop this?” Here is my brief answer.
[clickToTweet tweet=”#PeoplePleaser since childhood? How to stop.” quote=”Your childhood could have laid the foundation for People Pleasing. However, you can stop this, here’s how.’ quote=’It’s true, as young children you are impressionable and easily molded. Your upbringing can certainly lay the foundation for People Pleasing. However, later in life as you become more aware of the pain of being too nice, you will need to make some decisions to stop this’ theme” theme=”style6″]
First, The Truth
1.  It’s a habit
2.  It’s not Impossible to stop
3.  It takes time to stop but it doesn’t have to take a long time.

1.  It’s a habit. People Pleasing is a learned behavior. It is not a personality defect.

2. It’s not Impossible to stop. Since People Pleasing is a behavioral trait that you learn. The good news is that you can unlearn it. It can be replaced with assertiveness.

3. It takes time to end. Stopping People Pleasing doesn’t happen overnight. It could take a few months or years to stop being an habitual People Pleaser. And when you are free, you will still have moments of crisis where you feel overwhelmed to please, everyone does. But you won’t be enslaved to the guilt and fear you previously had. That powerlessness and feeling as if you have no choice is what I removed and you can too.

Before we move on, just a brief explanation on how we do things here at Free 2 Thrive Way.

The Free 2 Thrive Way: Simple and Effective. I HATE Fluff.

I’ve experienced some pretty traumatic and life altering situations in life and have had to learn how to roll with the punches.

So this Question Series about People Pleasing will provide answers that are quick, highly effective and easy to use.

No Fluff just practical solutions that are quick and work.

Let’s Get Into The Heavy Stuff Now 


As mentioned above everyone around you affects you and everything around you affects you, they influence you and can infect you.

So I’m going to tell what I know and think based on how I’ve overcome People Pleasing and using my professional training.


It’s all about the MEANING.

The meaning that you give to things…is one of the functions of your creative Power given by God. The ability to create meaning is what separates us from the rest of all creatures.

Here’s what happens. You experience then you apply meaning. (I like to be short and sweet).

The critical factor is your perception. Your perception is how you see things, how you feel about things, the way that you think about things, and eventually the meaning that you give to those things.


Perception Is Reality. I know You’ve Heard This Before.

How you look at things is what makes something real. At least, real to you. When you experience something you have a reaction. That reaction requires you to make meaning out of it, which is what you ultimately decide what was, was.

This meaning leads to your interpretations and assumptions and ultimately your beliefs which influence everything. Including how you feel about yourself and what you do.


What Now?

So you want to stop People Pleasing and want to know how if you’ve been doing this since childhood.

My answer, change the Meaning You Give to Everything. Because you will disempower those beliefs that have held you captive to this habitual behavior.

Take my specially designed QUIZ for People Pleasing and grab the accompanying worksheet to help you start becoming more aware of the meaning you are giving to things.

Remember I do things the Free 2 Thrive way. You can take that quiz HERE.

Now let’s take care of what’s next. The thing you are to reconsider how you’re giving meaning to. A aspect to reconsider how you giving meaning to it.

MISUNDERSTANDINGS ~How to Bond with others.

Bonding, what does it mean to you.
A root issue that People Pleasers have stemming back from childhood is bonding issues. This translates into how you view getting connected with others.
Do you think you have to agree with everyone? Can you speak up or think differently or do you have to concur, go along.  
Do you fear disagreements, thinking they will cause others to separate from you?
Surprisingly, the opposite is true. Stronger bonds are formed over arguments many more times than placating. You stand out, are noticed, leading to more respect. 
Consider the meaning that you give to bonding. Is that that you have to agree with everyone? How is that working for you?

I’ve created a quick & easy QUIZ to help you assess your level of People Pleasing.

Your results will be sent to you immediately along with a helpful Worksheet too.

Click to Get the QUIZ HERE


Want to use this article on your website or your own ezine? No problem! But here is what you MUST include:

Lana McMurray is the founder of Free 2 Thrive Coaching LLC. She is a Growing Certainty Coach for ambitious people trapped in all-too-ordinary lives. She helps entrepreneurs, creatives and business owners successfully navigate Uncertainty as they go through their unavoidable Journey of Growth. She understands the many ways that risk-taking, self starting people secretly undermine themselves and stop the growth process. She helps them stay True to Themselves so that grow into their extraordinary lives.

She also personally knows that “Life can be Messy” and there is a unique difficulty in being an Entrepreneur, Creative or Business Owner who is seeking to to be “True to Themselves” and grow their lives and businesses but at home is dealing with toxic a relationship. As an overcomer of Verbal/Emotional Abuse, she helps them gain Clarity and make empowering decisions. To get your F*R*E*E Trainings and weekly Growth Support visit www.free2thrivecoaching.com

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